


I don't want to let you go till you see the light

by OurLadyofPerpetualWallflowers



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Billy lived bitches, M/M, Post-Season/Series 03, Post-possession billy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-29 21:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19838923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurLadyofPerpetualWallflowers/pseuds/OurLadyofPerpetualWallflowers
Summary: “Methinks you should offer some suggestions, dingus.” Robin kicked Steve lightly from her perch on the counter and Steve jerked upright.“What?” Robin rolled her eyes and gestured towards Billy with one bangle-wearing hand. Billy, who’d drifted away from the kids and was standing in the middle of the store, lost in thought again. Steve glanced at him and then back at her. “Me?”“No, the other guy who’s been staring at Hargrove for the past ten minutes.”





	I don't want to let you go till you see the light

**Author's Note:**

> My obligatory gloss over fic, where the video store gives Steve the perfect chance to get his shit together and get on that, with a little help from Robin, of course. Title from Eddie Money's 'Take Me Home Tonight', which technically came out in 1986 and therefore wouldn't exist in this timeframe but I do what I want.

Billy Hargrove came back different.

It wasn’t just the scars that he kept hidden under leather jackets and heavy knit sweaters from the thrift store. The ones that Max said spiraled out from a knot in the middle of his chest, jagged lines radiating out like lightning. Wasn’t just the way he’d zone out and stare into the distance sometimes, a million miles away until something brought him back to Earth. It wasn’t even the curly blonde hair that he let grow out well past his shoulders, mullet long gone, so he could duck his head and hide his face whenever he felt the need. All of these were different, sure. But that was the stuff that you’d expect from someone who’d been through what he had. Been a host. Been a monster. 

No, when Steve told Robin that Billy was different now, he meant the little things. He’d started splitting Billy into Before and After in his head. Billy Before wouldn’t have missed a chance to give Steve shit for working at the video store. He’d have never been content to drive a beat up old pickup truck instead of his flashy muscle car. He’d have hated the way the whole town shot him pitying looks even as they crossed the street to avoid his path. He’d have busted the skull of whoever spray-painted ‘murderer’ on his trailer door.

Billy After almost seemed like he’d never come back at all. He stayed away from everyone, moving to a trailer by the quarry lake. He drove Max anywhere she wanted. He went to weekly check-ups in Chicago with a military doctor Owens assigned him. He seemed to be trying to disappear. 

It had been a hell of a thing, to wake up and hear the news. Seven days after the fight, after they’d watched him die, Billy Hargrove had walked into the middle of town at 6 AM, shivering, covered in blood and bruises. He’d walked into the police station and just stood there as everyone screamed. He’d woken up, he said, in the steelworks, surrounded by bodies, wrapped in vines. He’d crawled out. He’d walked fifteen miles to town. He was sorry.

That was another thing that had changed. Billy After seemed to say he was sorry on every other breath, like a prayer. 

Steve watched him from behind the counter as he quietly trailed behind Max and Lucas. His head was down and his hands were tucked into his jacket pockets, shoulders hunched. He looked...smaller. Like the Mindflayer had taken something so important from him that it physically reduced him. Max held out a VHS towards him, inviting him to look, but Billy just nodded, raised one shoulder and let it fall, never looking up. 

Max seemed to deflate and Lucas shook his head, turned back to the wall of movies to look for another film.

“Methinks you should offer some suggestions, dingus.” Robin kicked Steve lightly from her perch on the counter and Steve jerked upright.

“What?” Robin rolled her eyes and gestured towards Billy with one bangle-wearing hand. Billy, who’d drifted away from the kids and was standing in the middle of the store, lost in thought again. Steve glanced at him and then back at her. “Me?”

“No, the other guy who’s been staring at Hargrove for the past ten minutes.” Robin pointed again, bangles clacking together aggressively. “Ask. Him. A question.”

“Uhhh…” Steve looked back at Billy and managed to see a flash of blue eyes through the mop of curls. He froze, mind blank, mouth opening but no sounds coming out. What was he supposed to say? How are you? Sorry you got turned into a meat puppet for a nightmare creature? I like your hair?

“Hey Billy!” Robin yelled out and Steve flinched at the volume. Billy’s head raised up just enough to look at them but he made no move to get closer. Robin was undeterred. 

“Settle an argument for us. Who’s hotter? Carrie Fisher from ‘Star Wars’ or Phoebe Cates from ‘Fast Times’?” She swung her heels against the cabinet and ignored the way Billy seemed to be trying to decide between coming closer or bolting for the door. 

“Um.”

“I know! It’s totally Carrie Fisher, right?” Robin said, like Billy had offered an opinion. “Like, that metal bikini? So hot.” Steve finally caught up with it and oh, he really loved Robin. He jumped in as Billy took a half step closer, trying to ignore the way Max and Lucas were hiding behind the Christmas movie display and shamelessly eavesdropping.

“That metal bikini came with a chain around her neck, Robin.” Steve argued back and he’s not sure what it meant that they had actually had this argument before, that Steve now had an argument over this in his back pocket. “Sorry I don’t find that sexy.”

“She took control though.” Billy’s voice was rough, like he didn’t use it very often, and he stopped a few steps away from the counter. He’d raised his head and now Steve could see his whole face. It was more tanned Steve had ever seen it, with a wide band of freckles across the bridge of his nose. He remembered that Max said he had taken to sleeping in the bed of his truck during the day while she was in school, that he spent as much time in the sun as he could, and stayed up all night pacing and smoking in front of the TV, all the lights on. Billy rested a hand on the counter, pushed his curls out of his face to see them better. 

“She killed Jabba the Hutt with the chain he put on her. Kinda cool.” Billy was staring at him, and Steve felt trapped in his gaze, breathing deep and smelling smoke and engine oil and sweat. He thought about how Billy knew what it was like to wear a chain now, to have someone yanking him around to do their will. He leaned forward, closing the gap between them as best he could with the counter in the way.

“Yeah. Yeah, that was badass. Took guts. To stand up to something like that.” Steve said quietly and he’d lost track of Robin and Max and Lucas, all his attention on Billy. Their hands were inches apart, practically touching and Stve felt an irrational desire to close the distance.

“Yeah?” Billy whispered and his eyes were hot and glimmered with emotions Steve couldn’t read. He swallowed and Steve tracked the slow bob of his adam’s apple, followed the line of his jaw back up, over his full mouth and back to his blue gaze. 

“Yeah.” Steve replied just as quietly. The moment spun out between them.

“Oh. _Ohhhh._ ” Robin’s voice cut through and Steve blinked, broke his stare and coughed. Billy stepped back, ducking his head again but Steve caught a ghost of a smile as Max and Lucas came up with a handful of films. He began checking through the movies the kids had selected and he quickly yanked _First Blood_ from the pile. 

“Oh come on!” Max and Lucas chorused and Steve shook his head, tossing the film to Robin and leveling a finger at them.

“No. Too much violence. And you’re not old enough. Pick another.” They started to argue but suddenly Robin was there and adding a film to the pile.

“Here. Try a romance.” The cover of the tape had a trio in raincoats and galoshes. It looked like they were singing. Even Steve had to admit that it looked lame.

“That’s an old person movie.” Lucas scoffed and Max rolled her eyes in agreement. Robin frowned and leaned forward on her arms. 

“Uh, Gene Kelly is a genius and you hold your tongues.” Steve was fully prepared to let them argue for a few moments before shutting it down but the kids had barely begun insulting Robin’s tastes when Billy’s low voice cut through it all.

“Prefer Astaire myself.” They all froze and looked at him and Billy shifted nervously on his feet, unused to the attention nowadays, but he didn’t duck his head or hide his face though a part of him clearly wanted to. Robin shot him a delighted look.

“Oh yeah? Fave Fred film, go.” Billy raised a hand to brush his curls back again, and glanced at Steve before looking back at Robin. There was a pause, as he clearly weighed his options, and they all waited tensely for him to answer.

“ _Shall We Dance._ ” He said finally and Steve was sure he wasn’t imagining that they all breathed out a sigh of relief that Billy hadn’t clammed up or run out or begun muttering incessant apologies. All things he’d unfortunately been prone to since July. Robin nodded approvingly and stuck out a hand.

“I love Ginger.” Billy regarded it for a moment, and Steve could practically feel the conflict between his desire to shake it and his fear of touching anyone. Billy looked at him again and Steve tried to project safety and encouragement. God help him but he wanted Billy and Robin to be friends. Slowly, so slowly it nearly seemed to be in slow motion, Billy gently clasped Robin’s hand and shook it. His fingers looked so strong and yet, delicate as they clasped hers loosely and Steve wondered if this was the first time he’d touched anyone since the fight. Since holding back the Mindflayer with his bare hands.

“Ginger’s pretty cool.” Billy agreed and he dropped her hand, tucking his back into his pocket quickly. They talked a bit more about movies, Robin nearly yelling when Billy said he’d never seen _The Trouble with Harry_ and Robin immediately declared that she’d have to fix that. Steve stood there the whole time, watching as Billy’s face grew more animated, as he frowned a bit or smirked slightly. It was like watching the leaves change in autumn only instead of summer giving way to fall, this was like watching Billy Before peek out from behind Billy After. 

Almost before Steve knew what was happening, the trio were walking out of the building, Billy stopping at the door and giving him a nod. Steve nodded back, raising a hand in a vague wave and he kept watching at they all piled into the rusted white Chevy and drove away. 

“Ahem. A- _hem._ ” Steve jerked out of his stare and looked over at Robin, who was standing there with her eyes raised. “You wanna do some work there, dingus?” 

Steve flipped her off and began stacking up returns to file them. Robin meanwhile, hopped up on the counter and studied him. Robin was always studying him when she was bored. It didn’t usually end well for Steve.

“What.” He sighed, bracing himself for a comment on his hair or his clothes or his movie taste.

“Are things between you two always so homoerotic?” Robin asked curiously and Steve nearly fell on his face, dropping the stack of movies he was holding. 

“What? They’re not-! Homo-what?” Something white-hot rushed through his system.

“Ho-mo-ero-tic.” She enunciated carefully with a grin. “Means all sexy-fied. Electric.” She gave a little shimmy and popped her gum in his face.

“Uh, I dunno if you remember, but I like girls.” Steve shot her a look and if anything her smile grew wider. That never boded well for Steve either. She blocked his exit from behind the counter with one leg propped against the opposite wall and leaned in close like she was sharing a secret.

“Yeah me too. You know you can like both, right?” Steve froze, hand on her ankle poised to shove her leg away. He didn’t know what she was talking about, didn't think he wanted to know what she was talking about.

“What?” 

“You can like both.” Robin gently clapped her hand on his shoulder, eyebrows raised, expression somewhere between amused and serious. “Boys and girls. It’s called bisexuality.”

“That-” Steve cleared his throat nervously. Looked away. Glanced back. Robin just watched him patiently. “That’s a thing?”

“Yep.” Steve looked at her for a moment, clearly processing. 

“Huh.”

They stood there, staring. Someone approached the counter and Robin said “Go away.” without even looking. Steve shook his head in confusion, not getting why that mattered or what it had to do with Billy Hargrove.

“Okay. So...so that’s a thing but like, I don’t get what that has to do with-”

“Steve.” Robin pulled him closer, until their noses were almost touching. “Just do me a favor okay? Tiny little favor.”

Steve nodded.

“Close your eyes.” 

He did.

“Now. Think about Billy. Picture him in your head. You see him?”

Steve nodded again, eyes shut tightly. He could see Billy the way he’d looked not five minutes ago, standing in the shop and smiling just a little, wearing a denim jacket over a hooded sweatshirt, blonde curls falling around his face as he talked about Fred Astaire.

“Good.” Robin squeezed his shoulders, drawing him back to the present. “Now describe him to me. Pretend I’ve never seen him and you’re telling me what he looks like.”

“What, like his clothes or something?” Steve frowned, nearly opening his eyes.

“All of it. Paint me the whole picture.” Robin rubbed his arms soothingly and Steve sighed and tried his best. 

“Okay uh. Well, I guess...He’s kinda tall. Blonde? I don’t know, this is dumb.”

“No, c’mon.” Robin sighed and shook him a little. “Look. Just, when you think of Billy, when you see him, what do you really see? What do you notice first?” Steve swallowed and tried to focus on the Billy in his head. He frowned. He just saw...Billy. 

He thought back to the Halloween party. To the first time he’d ever laid eyes on Billy Hargrove and he put the beer-soaked boy from that night next to the one from today in his mind’s eye. Right away, he noticed a similarity-something that had captivated him from the start. 

“His eyes. He has blue eyes.” He felt Robin nod, and he continued, trying to make an accurate picture for her. “But not like, sky blue. They’re darker than that. With some green in there. Like sea glass. And when he gets angry, they get grey, kinda? Like a storm or something. You can’t always see his eyes though, because of his hair.”

“Good, that’s good, Steve. Keep going.” Steve felt a little less stupid as Robin kept encouraging him. He thought about the way Billy’s fingers had pushed his hair back out of his face, how Billy had left a long blond, curling strand on the glass counter when he’d left.

“What about his hair?” Robin asked urgently.

“It’s-well, it’s blond but a dark blond. And it’s long and falls in these curls over his face...he’s got a good face.” Steve was talking quieter now, and the Billy in his mind’s eye smiled at him softly, Billy from the party fading. He liked this Billy, Billy After, the soft quiet one who drove his sister and her boyfriend around and got lost in his own head. Steve just wished he’d shown up without the Mindflayer and Billy almost dying. Without all of them watching the copy of him, temporarily under Billy’s control, actually die. Pulling himself away from those memories, Steve continued on without prompting.

“His smile’s good, too. He doesn’t smile a lot, not anymore and not really before, before everything but. It changes his whole face. Lights him up. It’s like sunshine, you know?”

“Steve…”

“He’s really muscular, like, he’s ripped. You can’t see it because of the sweaters and stuff but oh my god, Robin, he looks like he could bench press a car or something.” Steve felt himself gesturing wildly as if to indicate the breadth of Billy’s shoulders. “Like, when I first met him...everybody was talking about it. It made you wanna touch his muscles to make sure they were real.”

“That’s uh, that’s great, Steve really.” Robin tried to cut in but Steve was on a roll now, caught up in the image of Billy in his head. 

“He looks good in the sweaters though, like. All warm and soft. Makes you wanna just...just press up against him or something-”

“Harrington!”

Steve’s eyes flew open and he stared at Robin in shock for a beat before they both turned their heads as one to look at Keith just as a cheese curl fell out of his mouth.

“Holy shit.”

“What?” Steve asked, looking back and forth from Robin to Keith. “What’d I say?” They both ignored him. Robin glared at Keith, and with her current dark lipstick, it looked especially impressive.

“I will make your life. A living hell.” She declared and Keith frowned at her, ate another cheese curl and wiped his hands on his shirt before replying.

“Like I care. But this better not affect the hot girl ratio.” He turned and headed back into the breakroom, seemingly dismissing them both from his mind. Steve was confused but Robin just chuckled and hopped down off the counter, giving him her attention again as she casually began straightening the countertop.

“So Steve. Would you say Billy was...attractive?” Steve snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Seriously? Uh, yeah, Robin. I have eyes. The guy’s fucking gorgeous.” He took up her abandoned seat on the countertop, back to the door. If he didn’t know Robin was gay, he’d be upset that she was obsessing over...wait. 

The last time Robin was talking about obsessing over a guy, it was Steve and it was because Tammy Thompson couldn’t stop staring at him. Was...was some girl hitting on Hargrove? He felt his temper flare. Who was doing that? Did some girl think they could get in Billy’s bed just because he was going through a hard time? Didn’t they realize that Billy needed to heal? How could they-

“Steve!” Robin smacked him and Steve realized he was practically crushing Rambo’s face in his fists. 

“Who is she?” He gritted out and Robin looked around in concern.

“Who’s...who?” She offered and Steve scowled as he threw the mangled movie onto the floor.

“The girl you like that’s badgering Billy.” He gritted out. Robin mouthed ‘badgering’ to herself before shaking her head.

“What the hell are you talking about?” She asked and Steve groaned and raked a hand through his hand.

“You’re obsessed with him!” He accused. “Like me! In Mrs. Clack’s class! So who is she, because Billy does not need this right now, he’s barely talking to people let alone ready to start dating!”

Robin laughed. And laughed and laughed. She laughed so hard, she sank to her knees and had to lean on the counter for support.

“Oh. Oh no. Oh no no no. Dingus. _Dingus._ ” She smacked the flat of her palm on the ground. Steve threw up his hands and turned to walk away but she grabbed his hand, struggling to talk between gasps of breath.

“No Steve, sorry, I’m just, and you just-“ She got to her feet, wiping off her face where actual tears were rolling down. “The look on your face-“

“Am I...interrupting?”

Steve and Robin both spun to face Billy, mouth agape. He was frowning, eyes on where Robin’s hand was still wrapped around Steve’s and Steve couldn’t shake her grip off fast enough. For once, he spoke before her as he quickly moved from behind the counter to stand near the other boy. 

“No, no, not at all. Just a joke at my expense. You forget something? Popcorn?” Billy slowly relaxed his features, face smoothing into its usual guarded expression. 

“They wanted to get another movie. A comedy.” He explained slowly and Steve nodded rapidly. He was suddenly all too aware of the things he’d just been describing to Robin, of Billy’s blue-green eyes and blond curls and broad shoulders. 

_You can like both. It’s called bisexuality._

With a feeling like his heart had suddenly been replaced with that chest thing from that outer space movie, Steve made the connection he’d missed earlier. Both meant Billy. He could like Billy. Wait, did he already like Billy?

Sure, he’d noticed a lot about the guy. And always looked at basketball practice with him in a somewhat conflicted way, a mix of anticipation and dread. And when that copy of him had died, had fallen on his back and bled out...well, Steve had maybe felt like a light had gone out, like something important and undefined had been ripped away from him. That could mean anything though. It didn’t necessarily mean anything in the way Robin had implied. 

Did it?

He stared at Billy and Billy, seemingly comfortable with the scrutiny, stared back. 

“Billy? You pick one yet?” Max’s voice came around the corner and Billy blushed, ducking his head and grabbing a case off the shelf near his elbow. 

“Uh, yeah, here.” He thrust it at her and she read the cover with raised eyebrows. 

“ _Wild America_?”

Somewhere on the floor behind Steve, Robin made an indelicate noise. Steve ignored her.

“I love that movie.”

“Show.” Robin hissed.

“I mean, show. It’s all...wild and stuff.” Billy arched a single perfect eyebrow and Steve felt his neck grow hot with the sudden desire to run his fingers over it.

Damn it, Robin.

“Oookay. Can we go now? Lucas has to get home.” Max shoved the tape in her bag and headed for the door. Billy followed, shoulders hunched again.

“Say something!” Robin ordered in a low voice, knuckle-punching the back of Steve’s thigh.

“Do you wanna come to movie night?” He blurted out, and Billy turned back. “Robin says I’m an uncultured heathen in need of redemption for my cinematic soul so we uh, have movie nights. My house, Fridays at seven. So...tonight. You could...come. If you wanted. Or not.”

Billy smiled, a slow hopeful thing that uncurled over his mouth and cheeks like a lazy morning stretch. 

“Yeah. That’d uh.” He scratched at the golden stubble on his jaw and Steve wanted to follow the path with his tongue. 

God _fucking_ damn it, Robin, this wasn’t a thing until she opened her mouth. 

Well, okay. Maybe he’d thought a bit too much about that conversation in the shower after they fought but it was a natural assessment of a potential opponent. And if he’d paid a little too much attention to the way Billy’s muscles had flexed as he moved under the water, well…

“That’d be cool. I guess.” Billy finished, unaware of Steve’s internal dilemma. He had a hopeful but wary look on his face, almost like he thought Steve might yank the invitation away. 

“Good! That’s uh, that’s really good.” Steve coughed out.

“It is?” Billy asked doubtfully and Steve swallowed, nodded slowly. He took a step closer to Billy, let himself take in every inch of Billy’s face. He’d come so close to losing this, he realized. So very close to having Billy become a dead guy he once sort of knew. But Steve knew that even if he had died that day, had fallen in battle like a movie hero, Steve knew he’d have carried blue-green eyes and blond curls with him forever. 

“Yeah.” He answered finally and he smiled at Billy, laughing a little. “Yeah, Billy. It’s good.”

Billy nodded and walked back into the sunshine, and Steve watched him go, already looking forward to that evening. He turned back around and Robin was grinning at him, holding up a hastily made sign. 

_You Rule_

**Author's Note:**

> Edited to fix posting errors. Grrrr.


End file.
